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[
Friday
April 21st, 2006 | 10:59pm
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| [ |
mood |
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 blank |
] |
People have got me thinking....
Some have asked me why I make the choices that I do. Ask why I'm so stubborn and why don't I just accept the way things are. Well I say if I don't want to why should I? You only live life once so why miss out on the ride? I'm going to take all the twist and turns I want as long as I can handle it. So far so good. I believe everything will turn out the way it's suppose to. That in the end everything will be okay and the choices I've made will be what got me there. I'm happy with the place I'm at, the person I am, and I don't regret a damn thing I've said or done. Everyone who has been involved in my life has had a part in making me who I am and I don't regret being involved with anyone of them. Life's a one way street and I'm not looking back.
Forgive, sounds good
Forget, I'm not sure I could
They say time heals everything
But I'm still waiting
I'm through with doubt
There's nothing left for me to figure out
I've paid a price
And I'll keep paying
I'm not ready to make nice
I'm not ready to back down
I'm still mad as hell and
I don't have time to go round and round and round
It's too late to make it right
I probably wouldn't if I could
'Cause I'm mad as hell
Can't bring myself to do what it is you think I should
I know you said
Can't you just get over it
It turned my whole world around
And I kind of like it
I made my bed and I sleep like a baby
With no regrets and I don't mind sayin'
It's a sad sad story when a mother will teach her
Daughter that she ought to hate a perfect stranger
And how in the world can the words that I said
Send somebody so over the edge
That they'd write me a letter
Sayin' that I better shut up and listen
Or my life will be over
I'm not ready to make nice
I'm not ready to back down
I'm still mad as hell and
I don't have time to go round and round and round
It's too late to make it right
I probably wouldn't if I could
'Cause I'm mad as hell
Can't bring myself to do what it is you think I should
I'm not ready to make nice
I'm not ready to back down
I'm still mad as hell and
I don't have time to go round and round and round
It's too late to make it right
I probably wouldn't if I could
'Cause I'm mad as hell
Can't bring myself to do what it is you think I should
Forgive, sounds good
Forget, I'm not sure I could
They say time heals everything
But I'm still waiting
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| Honesty? |
[
Friday
April 14th, 2006 | 1:27am
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| [ |
mood |
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 drunk |
] |
| [ |
music |
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Red Hot Chili Peppers |
] |
Confessions...
1. I hate people who say their life can't get any worse.... trust me... it can,
2. I have extremely low self-esteme.
3. I smoke but I wish I didn't.
4. I love rock music but can tolerate other kinds.
5. I've done drugs and still do.... get over it.
6. Despite number 5, I am smart and I WILL success in life.
7. I want to be a criminal pyshcoligist
8. I pass out for random reasons.
9. I don't like my family.
10. Half of my family are alcholics or druggies.
11. I think my sister is a bitch most of the time but I still love her for some unkonown reason.
12. Though I don't want to I do still love him.
13. I can't want to get out of Rome.
14. Number 14 in generally bc of him. It's like I can't get away from him.
15. I hate putting on make-up which is why I don't usaully wear it.
16. I get along better with guys than girls.
17. I hate having big boobs, they get in the way.
18. I've never been to church,.
19. I have a HORRIBLE memory.
20. I've thought about suicide.
21. I HATE waking up early.
22. I lie to my parnets about EVERYTHING.
23. I like not matching.
24. My sister can kiss my ass when it comes to wearing brown and block.
25. I love blue jeans.
26. I love creating my own clothes.
27. I hate working.
28. I love history.
29. I ashamed of some things I've done.
30. I wish he would like like me back, but not the person in number 12.
31. I wish he wasn't an addict and didn't have to go away.
32. The only person I can be my complete self around is Brenna.
33. I feel guilty for hating my family.
34. My older sister tried to kill me when I was like 2.
35. I feel guilt for EVERYTHING.
36. I hate texting people.
37. I want to get over him (yes number 12),
38. I'm not looking foward to prom unless he can go (not number 12)
39. Yes, my love life is confusing, get over it.
40. I love my friends and would do anything for them.
41. I'm not scared of death, it's going to happen get over it.
42. I always fake a smile even if I'm cring.
43. I like taking care of people.
44. I like being friends with people who have "problems".
45. I wish I was 21.
46. I can't wait to move out.
47. Skin cancer, stokes, heart attacks, deperssion, suicide, and alcoholism all run in my family. Yes scientist have proven the last 3 three can be genetic.
48. I like art but I suck at it.
49. I like to dance and I'm pretty good.
50. I like bright colors.
51. I like glitter.
52. I HATE sparkle purses!
53. I like Coldplay.... blow me.
54. I've had sex but that doesn't make me a slut.
55. I've lied but that doesn't make me a bad person.
56. I'm unsure about my religion.
57. I prefer vodka or pills not weed.
58. Love can be boring.
59. If you've read this far you are either really interested or really bored.
60. I'm random... deal with it because I'm not going to change.
61. I have a something agianst video games except Super Mario Cart.
62. I kick ass at Super Mario Cart.
63. I try not to jugde anyone because I've fucked up many of times myself.
64. I'm going to hate April 21st.
65. Part of me is glad I like him while the other part isn't.
66. I hate Rome, Ga and most of the people here.
67. I hate sream-o bullshit. It's over-rated and most say they like it because of the whole "goth" bullshit.
68. I FUCKING HATE razors.
69. I hate being touched, unless I love you.
70. Sex isn't that amazing, more bad things than good things come from it.
71. A part of me wishes that I wouldn't have done it.
72. I HATE Megean, for more that one reason.
73. I wish things were as simple as they were when boys has cooties.
74. I wish I was as small as she is.
75. I don't understand why people (inclusing myself) try to lie because the truth will come out sooner or later.
76. I HATE love rather I'm in it or not.
77. I like to read.
78. I want to live in a big city so I won't know everyone I pass on the street.
79. I HATE my Dad but love him at the same time
80. I can tolerate my Mom.
81. The only TV show I watch is Law and Order: SVU.
82. If I ever got pregnant I would kill myself.
83. I don't see myself getting married.... I'm too stubborn for someone to put up with me for that long.
84. I like to take pictures but not of myself.
85, I'm EXTREMELY nosy.
86. I want my nose and tongue pierced.
87. My favorite author is Nicholas Sparks.
88. I liked The Notebook, once again, get over it.
89. I hate closed-minded people.
90. I HAVE to stop the microwave on a mutiple of 5.
91. My favorie movie is Cruel Intentions.
92. I like healthy food.
93. I HATE the cold.
94. I like feeling loved but I hate it because it's never going to last.
95. If I ever decided to kill myself I would slit my wrist because I feel if I'm going to put the people who love me through that much pain I should suffer too.
96. I think the whole ani-gay thing is stupid because I thought God was suppose to love EVERYONE.
97. I can type just as good sober as drunk.
98. I'm paronoid.
99. I love funky jewlery.
100. Umm... I'm sure make your own.
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| Just maybe... |
[
Tuesday
April 11th, 2006 | 10:19pm
] |
| [ |
mood |
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 curious |
] |
I believe I like this boy.
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[
Tuesday
April 4th, 2006 | 10:40pm
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| [ |
mood |
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 chipper |
] |
Yea, my prom dates name is Tyler. I really like him. He's very nice and down to earth. He's pretty much adorable. I'm all excited about it. It really didn't bother me that I didn't have a date but I would have felt kinda felt out of place. So what is everyone plans for this weekend?
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[
Wednesday
March 29th, 2006 | 8:53pm
] |
Haven't wrote in forever. Umm let's see major highlights:
I got another job. I work at subway now with Erica. It's pretty fun, but honestly I really don't care as long as they pay.
I found out today that I made it into the Executive Intership Program. So next year instead of going to school I'll be working with a pyshcologist. EXCITING!
Ohh and I kinda sorta have a date to prom now. Wow all these new and wonderful things to look forawrd to atleast hopefully. (Improper english ;) )
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[
Tuesday
February 14th, 2006 | 3:20pm
] |
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I hope everyone had a good Valentine's Day. Brenna got me a teddy bear and some chocolate and Kylie got my some fudge. Thanks you guys! So what did everyone else get? Huh? huh?
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[
Wednesday
February 8th, 2006 | 9:34pm
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| [ |
mood |
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drunk |
] |
You never looked so good
as you did last night,
underneath the city lights,
there walking with your friend,
laughing at the moon.
I swear you looked right through me.
But I’m still living with your goodbye,
and you’re just going on with your life.
How can you just walk on by
without one tear in your eye?
Don’t you have the slightest feelings left for me?
Maybe that’s just your way
of dealing with the pain,
forgetting everything
between our rise and fall
like we never loved at all.
You, I hear you’re doing fine.
Seems like you’re doing well
as far as I can tell.
Time is leaving us behind,
another week has passed
and still I haven’t laughed yet.
So tell me, what your secret is
to letting go, letting go like you did,
like you did.
How can you just walk on by
without one tear in your eye?
Don’t you have the slightest feelings left for me?
Maybe that’s just your way
of dealing with the pain,
forgetting everything
between our rise and fall
like we never loved at all.
Did you forget the magic?
Did you forget the passion?
Oh, and did you ever miss me,
and long to kiss me?
Oh baby, baby.
Maybe that’s just your way
of dealing with the pain,
forgetting everything
between our rise and fall
like we never loved at all.
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[
Monday
January 30th, 2006 | 9:23pm
] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
calm |
] |
| [ |
music |
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"Far Away" Nickelback |
] |
Ehh.... there's really not much to say. I was bored so I thought I would update. I've decided to slow the fuck down. I think with me scaring the shit out of everyone friday night was a wee bit of a wake up call for me. Especially with Brenna telling me that I stopped breathing and they thought I was dead. I'm sorry to everyone who was there and had to see me go through that. The problems I'm having with Josh is not enough to hurt the people who care for me.
On the note of Josh. I'm letting him go. He said he's not happy with me and because I do love him, the main thing I'm concerned with is his happiness. I'm going to let him go and let him find whatever makes him happy whether it's with me or not. I'm going to stop wishing for him to return to me and I'm going to start wishing for his happiness.
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| Alright... |
[
Monday
January 23rd, 2006 | 7:50pm
] |
| [ |
mood |
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 blah |
] |
I guess I'm not meant to go to prom this year or something. I got home and I was all excited because I was going to go buy this beautiful prom dress I found. I started talking to Josh and he told me that he may not have the money to go to prom. It bummed me out, but ok I can understand. I went to go get the dress and they sold it yesterday. Soo yeah.
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[
Wednesday
January 18th, 2006 | 4:08pm
] |
| [ |
mood |
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 bouncy |
] |
| [ |
music |
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"Love Her" - Seether |
] |
Hehe.... Josh is taking me to prom. This is probably the best thing has happened in soooo long! Yay for Ashley!
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[
Tuesday
January 17th, 2006 | 11:34pm
] |
| [ |
mood |
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 cold |
] |
| [ |
music |
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"Best I'll Ever Be" Sister Hazel |
] |
"Best I'll Ever Be" - Sister Hazel
I miss you
I miss being overwhelmed by you
And I need rescue
I think I'm fading away
But I keep thinking that you'll wake me up with a whisper in my ear
I keep hoping that you'll sneak in my room
So I wait and I wait
And I run old scenes through my tired head
Of the days we laid by the school and said forever
Was that the best I'll ever be
I miss you
I miss talking all night long with you
And I need this to find a way to your home
My love can you hear me
Have I been hoping loud enough, wishing hard enough
Can you see me when I'm asleep all alone - alone
So I wait and I wait
And I run myself in the same old circles
I sit and I stare
And I run old scenes through my tired head
Of the days that we laid by the school and said forever
Was that the best I'll ever be
Can't keep my hands from shaking
Stumbling through the wreckage again
But you're gone
So I wait and I wait
And I run myself in the same old circles
And I sit and I stare
And I run old scenes through my tired head
Of the days that we laid on our backs and said forever
Was that the best I'll ever be
Was that the best I'll ever be
Was that the best I'll ever be
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[
Wednesday
January 11th, 2006 | 4:09pm
] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 numb |
] |
| [ |
music |
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"Inner Strength" - Flaw |
] |
Just to warn you it's another entry a bitchyness.....
I'm not ok and I'm tired of lying to others and myself about it. I try really hard to make myself feel better about this whole Josh shit because I try to think that it's just another relationship with just another boy, but it's not. I loved him and still do. Everybody keeps trying to tell me to move on and forget about him, but honestly it's not happening. This is suppose to get better in time but it seems as if it gets worse. With each passing day I think of another thing we did together, i think it's another I don't even cross his mind, it's another day that he doesn't love me, and it's another day that I'm not good enough for him. I don't know what to do. I thought by now he atleast wouldn't be the first thing on my mind when I wake up or the last thing on my mind when I go to bed. I don't know what to do. If anyone has any words of wisdom for me they would deeply be appreciated.
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[
Friday
January 6th, 2006 | 10:51pm
] |
| [ |
mood |
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 scared |
] |
| [ |
music |
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"Let Her Cry" - Hootie and The Blowfish |
] |
Tonight Me, Brenna, and Patch went to see Hostel. We tried to sneek Chelsey and James in but they were being bitches. That was the most fucked movie I have ever seen. Okay, I hate some bitches but I don't think I could do that to them. They was even somebody throwing up in the theater when we were there. It was nasty. Like the first part was nothing but tits, ass, and pussy, then the second part was nothing but blood and nasty. How the two mix together I'm not sure. But I didn't have anyone to hold on me this time so it was really scary. But hey, what can you do?
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[
Wednesday
January 4th, 2006 | 3:12pm
] |
| [ |
mood |
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calm |
] |
| [ |
music |
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"Colorblind" - Counting Crows |
] |
I hope everyone had an amzing New Year. I went over to James's house and of course it was amazing. I'm not sure what my new years revolution is. I guess I'll have to work on that.
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| The Answer |
[
Wednesday
December 28th, 2005 | 10:56pm
] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
depressed |
] |
| [ |
music |
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"Schisphrenic Conversations" - Staind |
] |
I finally got my answer as to why. It was because he was scared, scared of commitment, scared of being with me for such a long time. I'm glad he finally told me what it was, because it still hurts but it makes a little easier to deal with. Maybe it will all work out, hopefully, maybe it won't. All I know for sure, is that I love him.
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[
Tuesday
December 27th, 2005 | 9:30pm
] |
Another day has almost come and gone
Can't imagine what else could wrong
Sometimes I'd like to hide away somewhere and lock the door
A single battle lost but not the war ('cause)
Tomorrow's another day
And I'm thirsty anyway
So bring on the rain
It's almost like the hard times circle 'round
A couple drops and they all start coming down
Yeah, I might feel defeated,
I might hang my head
I might be barely breathing - but I'm not dead
Tomorrow's another day
And I'm thirsty anyway
So bring on the rain
I'm not gonna let it get me down
I'm not gonna cry
And I'm not gonna lose any sleep tonight
Cause Tomorrow's another
And I am not afraid
So bring on the rain
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[
Tuesday
December 27th, 2005 | 12:13pm
] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 frustrated |
] |
Look I know who's been talking shit and I know what you said. I know that you think that since Josh broek up with me now I want to hang out with you, but honestly there's many more factors than that. I know what I did to Bethany was a really bitchy thing to do. I admit that and take full responsibility for it. What can I say, I'm a bitch. But you don't have to scared anymore. I know who said it and I know what you said just say it to my face.
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[
Monday
December 26th, 2005 | 9:11am
] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 sleepy |
] |
I hope everyone had an AMAZING christmas and got all nifty stuff!
I LOVE YOU GUYS, all of yall!
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| MAKE IT BETTER! |
[
Tuesday
December 20th, 2005 | 9:48pm
] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
blah |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
"Rain Song" - Cold |
] |
Okay, have those little annoying love songs, commercials and movies always been there or have they just now begin to get on my nerves because I no longer have it? This is so frustrating I wish I could just like kidnap him and be like, "Nope you don't have a choose. You are mine forever!" I wish that he would have been like a normal guy and say, "Hey I'm only in to you for sex" but nooo he had to go be all sweet! Goddamn you! I would just like for the movie Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind to be true and I could just get my memory of him erased. That would make things a lot easier, but noooo! FUCK YOU GUYS I'M GOING HOME!
- He knows what it means,
When it rains I don't mind
Let me stand here all night
Did she take her own life
Let me know she's alright
And every time it rains
I feel her holding me
And everytime it rains
Are the angels crying
I'll stay strong, I'll be fine
Carry on with my life
I still stare at the sky
Pray for rain, all the time
Why'd you run? Did you hide
Why'd you leave, no good bye
When the clouds, take the sky
Does the storm give you life?
And every time it rains
I feel her holding me
And everytime it rains
Are the angels crying
And every time it rains
I feel her holding me
And everytime it rains
All the angels cry for me
I'll never be the same
I'll never be the same
be the same
be the same
be the same
And every time it rains
I feel her holding me
And everytime it rains
Are the angels crying
And every time it rains
I feel her holding me
And everytime it rains
Are the angels crying
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[
Saturday
December 17th, 2005 | 7:46am
] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
sleepy |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
"Finding Myself" - Smile Empty Soul |
] |
Last night was fun. I went to Chili's with Tyler, John Marshall, Lauren, Lindsey, Mary, and these two chicks that I don't really know. Afterwards we went bowling, but ohh no not the bowling alley close to Chili's but the other way all the way across town Why the fuck we did that I don't know. Out of our random names, we decide that Lauren's was the best, Naked Johnny. JM won though, bowling with his fucking left hand! But, Hey what can you do? We then proceeded to my house until everyone had to go home.
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